Saturday, December 24, 2005

SANTA CRASHES INTO THE ADRIATIC: 3 INJURED

(RijekaTVWatch) Apparently it's that time of year, and sleighs are flying once again. Last night witnesses report seeing Santa in an arrival pattern just south of the city of Rijeka, Croatia. Suddenly, one of the sleigh's wooden runners erupted into a ball of fire and Santa and his famous reindeer touched down in the Adriatic Sea, short of the intended landing point. While no one was killed in the incident, Santa, a reindeer, and a sailor were injured.

When questioned regarding the events leading up to the watery crash, one local resident who declined to give his name replied, "Santa's just getting too old for this. I don't think someone that old should be doing what he's doing. I mean, look at Ozzy." Abraham Isaacs, a local expert, stated, "What we had here was an experienced pilot in good conditions. It just shouldn't have been that hard. Santa was reducing the sleigh's velocity as he turned onto a final approach course, and must have had a problem with the instrument landing system. I just don't see any other way that he could have 'run the billies,' as we say in my field." Another witness was somewhat agitated when queried as to what he saw: "No way, man. I just don't believe it was him. Santa knows how to land a sleigh. I mean, if anyone does, it's Santa! I won't believe a word of this until I see the whole report."

Workers quickly retrieved Santa, the famed sleigh, and all nine drenched reindeer without incident. Rudolph, the lone furry casualty, suffered from a fractured tail. A local sailor was deluged by many, many cell phones from Santa's toy bag, and although he received a mild concussion, it was not reported that he complained. In other news, a boy on a bike rode the "Magic Mile" to his parents' delight. More at ten.

3 Comments:

Blogger Matt Mikalatos said...

This explains why my kids didn't get any toys this year....

11:37 PM  
Blogger Alexis said...

"Excuse me, Mr. Yack... Mr. Yack, we have a question from the reading audience."
[pause]
"Ma'am?"
"Yes, yes Mr. Yack: is it true that this report about Santa is actually just a cover-up, and in actuality the sleigh was shot down by cannon-fire from a dangerous new renegade pirate group?"
"Renegade pirate group? Is there such a thing as a renegade pirate? Isn't a regular pirate anti-establishment enough?"
"Sir, the point is, ..., well, I don't know, but there have been rumors of pirates. And we want to know the truth."

10:26 AM  
Blogger Matt Mikalatos said...

"Mr. Yack, another question, sir."
"Yes?"
"Is it true that these renegade pirates have kidnapped your entire publication's staff, thus preventing you from having any more articles?"
"No, no, our staff is hard at work."
"Will you soon have an article about the financial impact of Santa's sleigh crashing in the Adriatic on world Christmas sales next year."
"Of course."
"Well, hurry up!"

9:28 AM  

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